Review: The Nutcracker Noir by Secret Theatre
- Immersive Rumours
- 22 hours ago
- 7 min read
Photo: Secret Theatre
The Nutcracker Noir, produced by Secret Theatre and DesignScene, is an immersive dining experience at Protein Studios, a short walk from Shoreditch High Street. Running until 21st December, it combines immersive elements, live on-stage performances from a cast of West End talent and a five-course meal designed by Feast & Fable's Jenny McNeill to create an experience that's indulgent, classy and, most of all, incredibly entertaining.
Guests enter Club Noir via a secret entrance within the Merry & More Mart, a pop-up cafe and Christmas shop that's open to the public outside of performances. With bright colours and bold graphics, it's got a touch of Meow Wolf's Omega Mart to it, with various fake products like Reindeer Milk, Sno'J and Yule Log Pine Bleach on display. The majority of products in store, however, are real and available for purchase, including homeware, candles and customisable Christmas goodies from numerous independent London businesses.
On the way into the space, there's a generously sized welcome shot of gin, mulled spice and clementine tonic (a non-alcoholic option is also available) and a bite-sized canapé with pastrami, smoked cheese and sugar plum jam inspired by Katz's Delicatessen in New York, which set the tone for the evening.
Photo: Secret Theatre
Moving through the secret entrance into Club Noir, guests pass through a series of immersive rooms in groups of 20, which set up Nutcracker Noir's narrative and introduce guests to the show's main characters. Their first encounter is with the towering Elf Eldar (Christopher Howell), who asks the audience to place the Christmas wishes they wrote down moments earlier in the queue into a box in the centre of the room. After picking an audience member from the crowd, Eldar performs an impressive feat of mentalism for the audience.
Clara (Anita Nicole), the show's protagonist, awaits guests in the next space. Standing on a raised plinth in the centre of the room, she shares her story - as a child, she was abandoned on Brick Lane along with a note from her late mother and has spent the subsequent years searching for a family (chosen or otherwise) of her own. She now finds herself working at Club Noir as a choreographer for their latest show, which awaits audiences. There are 360-degree projections on all four walls of the room, which add a fittingly festive visual element to Clara's tale and elevate this encounter from being a pure exposition dump.
The final immersive room prior to arriving in the Club Noir is the office of Frank Zane (Jairus McLachlan), who's the son of club owner George. With talk of auditions still being open for a couple of roles in the show, Frank asks for a volunteer to belt a tune. As soon as the last note echoes, the self-proclaimed 'ruthless theatre critic' Madame Zel (Jessica Alonso) bursts through the door, high kicking and twirling with every other step. For Frank, Madame Zel's arrival does little to calm his nerves ahead of the show's opening and only ups the pressure for it to be a success.
Photo: Secret Theatre
Inside Club Noir, guests are seated at pre-assigned tables, which flank a thrust stage. As you'd expect, VIP seats are right next to the action, with Club seating further back in the space. Regardless of where you sit, the decor inside Club Noir is gorgeous, with red drapes and chandeliers throughout, and there are good sightlines from all the seats.
The show's on-stage performances, which run for roughly two hours with short breaks and an intermission, draw from a wide range of songs. With live vocals throughout, Frank, Clara, and MC Roz (Nic Myers) share singing duties for the show's contemporary tracks, performing everything from Lady Gaga's 'Abracadabra' to Doechii's 'Anxiety' and Rihanna's 'SOS' across the evening to rapturous applause. As for the club's owner, George (David-Michael Johnson), their performances hark back to the past, with Judy Garland's 'Life Is Just A Bowl of Cherries' and 'O Holy Night' amongst their repertoire.
Accompanying the main cast on stage are Club Noir's resident dancers, made up of dance captain Axl (Alex Codd), Angie (Chris Vasileiadi), Jax (Patrick Wilden), Future (Tianna Jewiss) and Flow (Phoebe Coray). While every performance within The Nutcracker Noir is great, the highlights include a rock-infused reworking of 'Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy' in the second half, which has the show's supporting cast scurrying through the audience and bounding onto the stage in leather mouse masks wielding weapon-sized candy canes, and Roz's rendition of 'Pink Pony Club', which elicits a huge response from the audience. The choreography comes from the show's co-director, Gary Lloyd, who's previously worked on West End shows like Thriller Live and Heathers: The Musical.
Photo: Secret Theatre
Shining just as brightly as the on-stage performances is Rob Jones' costume design, which feels like a mix between Vivienne Westwood, Alexander McQueen and ballroom culture. There's a huge range of bold shapes, flowing materials and silhouettes amongst the cast's costumes, with everything from huge flared peplum trousers to knee-high boots on display. Club owner George's outfit nods to the show's East London location and Clara's backstory, taking direct inspiration from Pearly Kings and Queens, whose origins lie in Henry Croft, an orphan and street sweeper who adorned his suits with pearls to draw attention while fundraising for orphanages and hospitals in the 1870s.
Peppered throughout the show's musical numbers are several narrative scenes, continuing the overarching story established in the earlier immersive rooms. A brief flirtation between Clara and Frank is quickly shut down by George for reasons that save the pair from a kiss that they'd both regret for the rest of their lives, Clara's search for family at her mother's former workplace turns up unexpected results (you can see where we're going here...), and in the show's conclusion, the reunited Noir family, which has now gained a sister, comes together with Clara declaring she's found what she always hoped to find.
It's a pretty basic story and not all that emotionally affecting, but The Nutcracker Noir's musical numbers and strong performances carry it through all the same. Despite claiming to be an adaptation of The Nutcracker, the show's connection to Tchaikovsky's ballet is minimal, with only minor details like Clara's name carrying over.
Photo: Secret Theatre
The Nutcracker Noir's five-course meal has been designed by Feast & Fable's Jenny McNeill, who has previously worked with immersive dining legends Gingerline and Heston Blumenthal's triple Michelin-starred Fat Duck. Things start simple enough, with Brick Lane Butter and Sourdough bread, which on the surface sounds pretty standard, but the whipped butter, which is infused with panch phoron, roasted garlic, crispy onion and tempered curry leaves, is honestly amazing and serves as the perfect entry point for the menu's upcoming dishes.
A duo of trout starters soon follows, with the Club Classic (treacle-glazed Chalk Stream trout with celeriac, brussels sprout remoulade) and Contemporary Cooking (nori and brown sugar-cured Chalk Stream trout) coming out in quick succession. For vegetarian and vegan guests, the trout is substituted with a treacle-glazed beetroot tarte tatin in the Club Classic and candied beetroot with carrot in Contemporary Cooking.
The Nutcracker Noir's main course comes in the form of slow-braised beef cheek (spice-roasted cauliflower for vegetarians) with BBQ reduction, crème fraîche, blackened corn and soused root vegetables, which is cooked wonderfully and hugely flavourful. Rounding things off is a baked Basque cheesecake with Spanish brandy, sherry, orange and vanilla-plumped prunes, which ties directly into the on-stage story, with the recipe coming from Clara's mother.
Photo: Secret Theatre
By way of refreshments, The Nutcracker Noir's drinks list has everything you'd expect. The standout items are the cocktails, which thematically tie into the show's story. Our favourite from the cocktails we sampled was the Frostbite, a wintery take on a margarita, with tequila, mezcal and Velvet Falernum served over ice. Winter Bloom, which is made up of aged rum, sweet vermouth, pineapple, ginger and winter spice, was another highlight, not least due to the gingerbread cookie clipped to the side of the glass, which was a welcome surprise.
Throughout the evening, the service from Club Noir's hosting team was also incredibly attentive. Alongside the regular check-ins asking if we needed anything and speedy delivery of drinks, each course was delivered exactly when intended, coinciding with the performances and on-stage references to the dishes. It's far better service than we've received in a lot of proper restaurants, and operationally, for us at least, it was flawless, with a welcome drink and starter served within moments of us taking our seats.
Photo: Secret Theatre
While the price of entry for The Nutcracker Noir is certainly high (starting at £115 per person for access to the show and the five-course meal), it's evident that the money is being put to good use, with a company made up of West End talent, a gorgeous setting and enough food to satisfy even the most ravenous of guests.
When compared to other Christmas dining experiences, most notably The Lost Estate's long-running The Great Christmas Feast in West Kensington, The Nutcracker Noir stands shoulder to shoulder, despite this being its debut year. As a piece of counter-programming, it also offers an experience that's the polar opposite of The Lost Estate's moody and atmospheric one-man performance, with big group numbers, extravagant costumes and enchanting design, even if it's not quite as overtly 'festive' as spending an evening in Dickens' home as they share the tale of A Christmas Carol.
An excellent choice for a couple's date night or festive get-together with friends, The Nutcracker Noir is one of the best nights out we've had in ages and more than delivered on its promise of quality food, amazing performances and killer cocktails. Madame Zel may have turned her nose up at it, but we loved every minute.
★★★★
The Nutcracker Noir runs at Protein Studios near Shoreditch High Street until 21st December 2025. Tickets are priced from £48 for Bar Seating (Show Ticket) and £115 for a shared Club Table (inclusive of a three-course meal). To book tickets, visit nutcracker-noir.co.uk